The Friend Zone
What has two thumbs and gives a keynote on Thanksgiving?
I can explain.
The year was 2020.
I was approached near the end of the 2020 summer by the Director of Internal Communications of Kellogg’s in Europe who had stumbled into one of my “Your Future Is Safe With Change” speaker reels. That alone made me say to myself, “Wow, internet. You ARE amazing.”
The woman who found me, the personable Anne Marie Kiernan, and I had hit it off in a major way. I adored her positivity, thoughtfulness, and overall, “don’t take myself seriously but do take my work seriously” mentality. Anne Marie had felt that I would be the right note to mirror the mentality of Kellogg’s (now Kellanova) President David Lawlor‘s organization for the year ahead. David had, in fact, spoken on the need for courage at Harvard and Anne Marie rightfully projected that the two of us would be peas in a pod amongst our first conversation.
A month or so later, I was given the green light to give a “live” virtual keynote starting at (drum roll please) 6 AM stateside on Thanksgiving morning. You better believe I was up — and up for it.
If I were going to land in a faraway land then I better get some serious face time with the leaders that make their business go. As Anne Marie shared who I would be connecting with, around Europe I went, meeting some of the top brass across the organization. To be precise, Zoom took me to Paris, Amsterdam, Dublin, Moscow, London, and Manchester.
One by one, I met with passionate leaders where English was almost always their second language. Yet, from each conversation, what they needed from me was becoming exceptionally clear. As my leadership lap came to an end, I had just one more conversation to take with a woman in Human Resources out of Manchester.
After navigating the accents that come with leaders across Europe, you can imagine my surprise when I popped onto this one final Zoom only to hear someone who sounded pretty much like me.
This was American Nicole Zube — a Senior HR Director who was considered a rising star across her business. In fact, if there was a knock on Nicole, it’s that she may be pushing those in the organization to go bigger and faster….faster than they wanted. This is not a new story and the so-called curse of “high-potential, high performers” in most organizations.
While I can’t remember much of what we spoke about on that day, I do remember that there was an instant connection. Was it because she surprisingly had an accent like me? I doubt it. The likemindedness is what I recall the most. She wanted to push her organization forward. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. It felt less about her and more about doing what was necessary to help Kelloggs win.
6AM on Thanksgiving morning came and went. I challenged those on the Zoom to make it happen. I gave them some tools to better connect with one another. And, when it was all said and done, according to Anne Marie, I had successfully inspired.
When I came back to my life in the States, a few years later, I heard from Nicole when she moved back to Michigan with her family. We connected on a very genuine level, and, it wasn’t too long before she enrolled herself into my 1v1 coaching program (Courage Bootcamp).
I’m not one to speak for her, she can do that herself, but I believe she came out the other side with total clarity.
When I CAN confidently share:
We both came out the other side of that program with a newfound friend.
Friend, by definition, is a person who one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection. There’s trust. There’s mutual respect. There’s a willingness to talk about the 9 to 5…and the 5 to 9.
Today, Nicole Zube is the Chief HR Officer at SpartanNash. Last week my team, for the second time, ran Nicole’s 3-day offsite with her team of 120. We’re slated to run it back again come April. While I’m grateful for the work, what makes me truly smile is that Nicole and I don’t just work together now.
I’m happy to call her my friend.
When I look at my purpose statement, what bubbles to the surface for me is that “I want to be the best friend I can be” to my clients. Yet, somewhere along the way, “friend” become a different four letter work in business.
My challenge to you?
It’s lonely to be the leader.
It can be lonely to be YOU.
Don’t be afraid to keep it real.
Don’t feel bad if you land in “the friend zone”.
Now more than ever, we all need a friend.
